So it's been an interesting 24+ hours. As I sit here reflecting, I am reminded of the song by DELIRIOUS and also SONIC FLOOD (I think) called "Trading My Sorrows."
(Excerpt only) "I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed. I am blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure, and His joy is going to be my strength. Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning. I'm trading my sorrows. I'm trading my shame. I'm trading them all for the joy of the Lord!" (End selected lyrics)
I have one sister who thinks I'm bi-polar and another who thinks I've never recovered emotionally from the relationship results of 2008-09. I don't think I need a medical diagnosis but could probably benefit from "happy pills" to even out the mood swings (and with any luck and God's blessing, bring an end to some, if not all, of my migraines which have increased in the last two years). That being said, I admit to having strong feelings. I'm a passionate person - all or nothing, do it right or don't bother at all, give it 100%, and go full steam ahead. This makes for some rather strong reactions to certain situations.
I want to be understood for who I am, just as I am. Sometimes I don't know who I am though. I know some of who I am, what I want, who I want to be with, etc. but don't always get what/who I want. (The current three official followers of my blog can certainly attest to this truth! LOL) I confess I doubt myself and had a friend tell me I am the most insecure confident person they know. The circumstances seem to determine which is true (insecurity or confidence). I love this song because it reminds me that there's always hope (tie in to previous post). God does not want to leave us where we are. He takes us as we are and brings us to new heights and depths in relationship with Him.
2 Corinthians 4:8-18 (New International Version) says: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. It is written: "I believed; therefore, I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in His presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, what is unseen is eternal."
This set of Bible verses really does remind me to trade in my sorrows and keep my eyes on the prize of eternity. The quest for freedom (from myself, my sins, my past, my doubts, my human flesh, etc.) continues! Thanks for your prayers!