Sunday, December 5, 2010

The Thin Within

So there are days I look at pictures from yester-year and wonder where that skinny little miss went and if I'll ever see her again. Then I look at myself in the mirror while running on the elliptical (yes, I purposefully placed it in front of my bedroom's full length mirror for inspiration to keep going when all I want to do is stop) and think, "yep, she's in there somewhere!" I visualize the thin within!

I have been struggling with my weight since college. Apparently, the pressure of being around brilliant, wealthy, and beautiful people caused me to doubt myself and my ability to "fit in" at a perfectly average size. I stopped eating but when people started to think that was "odd" I would eat and then race to the bathroom to purge (aka vomit with sheer willpower alone, no finger down the throat necessary). Needless to say, friends tried to intervene and so I started eating again with fewer vomiting episodes. My nutritionist said I wasn't eating enough and my body thought it was starving which is why the weight increased instead of decreased during this time. My doctor said that my metabolism was set back decades and would take "awhile" to restore to normal...I'm pretty much still waiting for that return mind you. I have put off testing to see if there are thryoid issues now at play, but maybe I'll get that bloodwork done over the holiday break.

I've been making progress with my portion control, workouts, and increased water intake. In fact, it's been an entire week of no sodas whatsoever!!! Better yet--no migraines! All I have had this week is water (6-8 bottles every day), one gatorade over the course of two days, and a couple glasses of sweet tea last night at dinner. I couldn't eat due to pain from an eyetooth issue, and since my blood glucose was in the 40s I splurged on the liquid sugar intake. The scale is showing movement and I'm feeling healthier too.

I'm picturing the thin within and very much appreciate the advice and encouragement I've received thus far from my family and friends. I'm following the plan which has its consequences and rewards and hope your involvement will continue to provide the accountability I need to succeed.

Love and prayers,

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